


You Give So Many Damns They’re Visible From Space (fluff)

by orphan_account



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff Prompts, full stories?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24641101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A mess of fluff derived from prompts. That’s about it :)Should I attempt to write the full story for some of these?
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Niko Polastri, Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Niko Polastri/Gemma (Killing Eve)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

Villanelle shuffled on her feet, staring intently at the Bitter Pill building. 

“Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” She asked daringly, cracking her knuckles. 

“Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” Eve groaned, already thinking of many ways Villanelle could get them both dead whilst just standing outside Bitter Pill.

“It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” Villanelle straightened up and glanced at Eve. 

“You absolutely do not.” Eve retorted. 

Eve and Villanelle strolled through the streets of London. With it being Villanelle’s birthday, they were out looking for a final present to give her, aside from the dozens already received at home. 

Villanelle slowly stopped to a halt outside a Russian store front, gazing in at the multiple weapons on display. She pressed her hand up to the glass and looked at Eve expectantly. 

“No, I’m not buying you a knife for your birthday!” Eve exclaimed. 

“But it’s pretty!” Villanelle whined.

“No!” Eve intertwined her arm with the assassin’s and went back to walking. 

Eve stumbled into the kitchen, shopping bags in arms, she set them on the counter. Sighing and making her way into the living room, she stopped abruptly and took in the sight on her couch. 

Villanelle was sprawled across it with pillows on and beneath her, her hair messy and tangled and her clothes slightly torn. Clearly she had arrived back from a mission and thought it best to make it look like she was dead for Eve. 

Eve opened her mouth and closed it, at a complete loss for words. 

Villanelle held up the glass her bruised hand was clutching, swirling the crimson wine inside it. Eve certainly took a few moments to process whether it was wine or not, the red liquid could be very deceiving. 

“Wine is my favourite way to eat grapes.” Villanelle finally managed to choke out.

“We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” Eve said frantically. 

The women were in a train station, currently being cornered by a handful of background assassins from the Twelve. 

“Actually, it’s more like eight.” Villanelle murmured, her voice sounding childlike. 

“Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!” Eve yelled, waving her hands and shooting a glare at Villanelle. 

“What’s our exit strategy?” Eve questioned. 

Planning a joint mission with the Twelve and MI6 could be difficult if everyone didn’t know the plan.

“Our what?” Villanelle and Konstantin asked simultaneously. 

“Oh my god, we’re all going to die.” Carolyn huffed, although trying to hide any amusement about the situation.

Villanelle squared Niko up, his frail body stumbling against the wall. 

“Are you  sure  I can’t punch him in the face?” She growled. 

“Yes.” Eve hummed nonchalantly, completely dismissive of the pair readying themselves for a fight in the hallway. 

“What if I just break his nose a little?” Villanelle snarled, bringing and clenching a fist up to Niko’s face, begging Eve.

Villanelle lay childishly in bed, her back turned and her forehead creased in concern. She had a fever really, that was all, but she felt like the world was ending. 

Eve shuffled inside the bedroom and sat delicately on the edge of the bed. She reached a hand out and stroked Villanelle’s forearm.

“Remove your hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.” Villanelle murmured threateningly. 

Although Eve laughed and continued to stroke her.

“I need to go de-stress.” Villanelle muttered, running a hand through her ruffled hair and standing up.

“Where are you going?” Eve leaned towards Villanelle from the couch, concern lacing into her voice.

“To demolish the living room.” Eve heard Villanelle say as she turned a corner.

-needless to say that the living room was a bomb site afterwards-

Villanelle and Niko sat opposite each other. Villanelle on the couch and Niko on a kitchen stool. He sighed half-heartedly and glanced at Villanelle. He stopped to stare at her. 

“Why are you glaring at me?” He asked. 

He wasn’t wrong to worry, a psychopathic assassin _was_ glaring at him with a probable gun in her back pocket.

“I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.” Villanelle replied nonchalantly. 

Eve threw down her bag. Her and Villanelle were having the common argument. She crossed her arms and followed Villanelle into the living room.

“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” Eve shouted.

“And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!” Villanelle shouted back.

Eve and Villanelle are having another argument. 

“If you’re going to break my heart, can we do it outside?” Villanelle huffed strongly.

“But it’s raining.” Eve cocked her head and questioned why Villanelle would say such a thing.

“That way I can go all-in on my melodramatic movie moment.” That response just sent Eve on another raging tangent but Villanelle secretly basked in the hilarity of it.

“If I’m dying, let me eat cake.” Villanelle whinged, her body covering every inch of the bed as she writhed in pain.

“You’re not dying.” Eve sighed, coming to lie with her.

“Let me eat cake anyway.” Villanelle moaned and stretched out her arms.

Eve and Niko threw insults at each other as Villanelle listened from the other room. Villanelle was very entertained to say the least. 

“I don’t give a damn.” she heard Eve thunder.

Villanelle took the opportunity and yelled through the walls. “You give so many damns they’re visible from **space** .”

“What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” Villanelle’s question broke the eery silence as Eve continued to watch Niko and Gemma converse.

“Those are children. That’s a school.” Eve mumbled, eyes still fixed on the pair of teachers.


	2. Just Because They’re Pretty Doesn’t Mean They’re Not Knives

“I regret nothing.” Villanelle declared, strutting into the living room.

“Because you don’t remember what you’re supposed to regret.” Eve said, not looking up from her book.

Villanelle picked up Eve’s call and glanced around.

“Are you there?” Eve’s voice on the other end asked. 

“Physically, yes. Mentally is debatable.”

Villanelle tossed her body about on the bed. 

“Are you sober?” concern and humour wove into Eve’s question.

“I’m moderately functional.” Villanelle replied, her face stuffed into a pillow.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Eve chuckled.

“Can you get the paperwork for the new murder?” Kenny asked.

Eve clutched her phone and stroked Villanelle’s hair.

“Sorry, I have a clingy and feverish assassin on my lap. I’ll call you back when I’ve convinced her that a cold doesn’t mean she’s dying.”

Niko smiled at Eve and Villanelle from across the room.

“Look, he’s smiling. He’s totally fine.”

Villanelle pointed.

“He’s smiling because he’s terrified.” Eve gestured up and down at Villanelle.

“Are you insane?” Eve yelled at Villanelle as the assassin stepped over dozens of bodies with a bloody knife in her hand.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Villanelle replied, shrugging and swinging the knife care freely. 

They’re still planning the joint Twelve and MI6 mission. 

“I had a thought,” Villanelle started.

“Oh no.” Eve began, throwing her head into her hands.

“I swear it’s a good one this time!” Villanelle protested.

“Are those pictures of birds or smudges of blood on your shoes?” Eve asked pointedly at the crimson colour against Villanelle’s black boots.

She was then greeted by the cutest innocent look from Villanelle, but of course it meant that she had gone on a killing spree.

Eve grabbed Villanelle’s arm and pushed her forwards to Niko.

“I’m going to bring you in on this conversation.” Eve said, using Villanelle as a crutch in her and her husband’s debate.

“Do you have to?” Villanelle whined, wanting nothing to do with Eve and Niko’s useless argument on who ate the last cookie.

“Damn right I’m pretty.” Villanelle smirked smugly, placing her hands on her hips. 

“I said petty.” Eve corrected her.

“Come on, we’re going to be late for my early birthday dinner.” Villanelle hurried Eve and ushered her out the door.

“Early birthday? Your birthday’s not for five months.” Eve looked at Villanelle in confusion as they stepped out onto the busy London streets.

“So?” Villanelle looked back with the same confusion.

Villanelle stared at the mess of bodies lying by the back door. 

“I can fix that.” She pointed and looked at Eve innocently.

“I’m calling a professional.” Eve said and looked back at Villanelle whilst holding her phone to her ear.

“I’m a professional.”

Eve brought her phone down and covered the speaker.

“A more professional professional.” She whispered.

Again with the joint Twelve MI6 mission. 

Villanelle threw her arms down by her side and stared pointedly at Eve.

“Stop trying to stop me from executing my vision.” She huffed.

“Your vision is expensive.” Eve glared.

“It’s so cute!” Villanelle squealed, flicking through all of the murder pictures Eve had collected over the years.

“It’s a portent of doom.” Eve exaggerated. 

“But it’s a cute portent of doom!” Villanelle protested.

“Finally home. I wish I had someone to cook me dinner.” Eve sighed as she dropped her bags down on a chair in the kitchen.

“Oh my god, what if you had like, a husband or something?” Villanelle looked at Eve with mock shock from the living room couch. 

“Are you being sarcastic?” Eve leaned against the counter.

“Yes. Call Niko, get him off his ass and make him live up to his vows.”

Villanelle walked into a room full of young children, already drawing her sleek gun.

“I am in a mood to make some bad life choices!” She grinned.

“Don’t sound so excited about it.” Eve glanced at her in fear.

Villanelle looked about the room. The joint Twelve MI6 mission was going south, no plan and no clear motive. 

What else could Villanelle say to break the silence apart from- 

“Do whales eat sunflowers?”

-yes that was random, I know-

Picturing Niko’s sodden face, Villanelle scrunched up her own. 

“Why do you have such an angry face?” Eve questioned with an uncertain smile. 

“I started thinking about how horrible that ex-husband of yours is.”

Villanelle’s hand graced across the intricate daggers that lined the shop wall.

“Those are decorative.” 

“Just because they’re pretty doesn’t mean they’re not knives.” Eve muttered.

Standing a few meters in front of Eve and Villanelle were two armed men. They were in the middle of a bustling street, with so much happening around them that the men were hardly of any interest, but the women could both see the sharp pocket knives that were dangling closely by the men’s legs. 

Villanelle made an eye for any weapons nearby them, but instead noticed a white poodle standing near a tree. 

“Oh, that’s cute.”

“It’s silly how that’s the thing you focus on.” Eve hissed frantically, slowly shuffling backwards from the opponents.

“I can’t control how my brain works.” Villanelle hissed back.


	3. Merely Me Trying Not To Have A Heart Attack With A Little Dignity

“If you do that again, I’ll throw you out that fucking window you- what are you doing?” Eve snarled, her finger jabbing down at the air but momentarily pausing when she noticed Villanelle not paying attention.

“Checking how high the drop is, see if it’s worth it.” Villanelle said nonchalantly, her head reappearing from looking out over the windowsill. 

“How long have you been standing there?” Eve groaned, rubbing her eyes as she sat up in bed.

“Longer than you’d like.” Villanelle smirked.

“You didn’t seriously...?” Eve started.

“Yep.”

“You just...?”

“Yep.”

“Does that mean...?”

“Quite probably.” Villanelle finished.

“Bring them home. All of them.” Villanelle declared, her eyes scouring the weapons.

“But-“

“All. Of. Them.” Villanelle silenced Eve. 

“Are you scared?” Villanelle jeered, prodding at Eve’s side.

“No. I have this terrified look on my face cause I’m having so. Much. Fun.”

“Hold on, you  _ died _ .” Eve pointed out.

“Yeah, well it didn’t stick.” Villanelle shrugged.

“Never trust a survivor until you find out what they did to stay alive.” Villanelle said chillingly through a mouthful of toast.

“I have a solution.” Villanelle pointed upwards.

“Thank goodness.” Eve sighed.

“It involves fire.” Villanelle continued.

“Absolutely not.” Eve straightened up.

“You gonna eat all that yourself?” Eve asked, gesturing to the massive cake in front of Villanelle. 

“No.”

“Can I ha-“

“-No.” Villanelle narrowed her eyes. 

“Awfully confident aren’t you?” Eve crossed her arms, watching Villanelle prowl the room.

“I can kill every person in this room before most of them have a chance to get to their feet. Skills like that do wonders for a persons self confidence.”

Villanelle looked up to the sky, her hands shaking with fury because of the imbeciles in front of her.

“Lord give me patience or an untraceable handgun.”

“Hello, darling. We are long overdue for a chat.” Villanelle said flirtatiously, her presence in Eve’s bathtub meaning nothing to her.

“Where are you from?” Eve asked, her hands gripping the edge of the table.

“Here and there.” Villanelle replied, not looking at Eve.

“What do you do?” Eve demanded an answer.

“This and that.”

“You ever...?”

“Now and then.” Villanelle cut Eve off.

“Boy you’re just full of information.” Eve growled.

“I’m just doing what the fortune cookie said,” Villanelle murmured innocently, millimetres away from Eve’s face. “Who am I to stand in the way of fate?”

“Come on, when have my calculations ever been wrong?” Villanelle asked, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Well...” Eve started.

“Shut up, that was one time.”

“Where is the idiot, anyway?” Eve asked, her tone irritated.

“I’m right here.” Villanelle muttered through a mouthful of cookies.

“Surprisingly enough, I’m not talking about you this time.” 

“Do you trust her?” Konstantin asked Villanelle mockingly. 

“No... but I trust her anger.” Villanelle chuckled.

“Why did you put fireworks next to the bomb?” Eve questioned, watching Villanelle as she sat in front of her.

“I wanted it to be pretty.” Villanelle admitted, looking up at Eve.

“It was supposed to be subtle!”

“Please don’t tell them.” Eve whispered.

“Oh I ain’t going to say a word.” Villanelle giggled.

“You’re going to make me tell them, aren’t you?” Eve whimpered.

“Loud and clear. And every nitty gritty detail.” Villanelle said smugly.

“If you want me,” Eve panted. “Come and get me.”

Villanelle paused, languidly sweeping a hand up and under Eve’s chin. “Want you in which way, darling? Don’t get me wrong, both involve ropes, but it’s an important distinction to make before we proceed.”

“Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” Villanelle exclaimed.

“What do you want? A gold star?” Eve muttered.

“Where’s your shoe?” Eve asked, pointing at Villanelle’s water soaked left foot.

“The giant mud puddle down the road demanded a sacrifice.” Villanelle replied.

“Your organisation is in ruins. You are-“

Villanelle stopped, gloves half off, and raised an eyebrow. “You’re wrapped in my blanket.”

Swaddled in the thick fabric, only Eve’s face was still visible, their expression trapped between a scowl and a pout. “It’s cold in here, and you left it in reach. If you weren’t too tight to heat your bedroom while keeping me hostage here, I wouldn’t have had to resort to thievery.”

“You look adorable.” Villanelle said, forcing a sneer into her voice. Because Eve did. She looked adorable and warm and  _ perfect _ .

“Plot twist,” Villanelle says. Her lips curl into a feral grin and her fingers curve around Eve’s throat. “The good girl isn’t so good after all.”

“We’ll never get out of here alive!” Eve yelled.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Villanelle murmured.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, we’re locked in a room with killers on the other side of that door.” Eve snarled.

“Can I have your hair pins?” Villanelle asked calmly.

“What? No!”

“Thank you, I’ll take those,” Villanelle quipped, her fingers snatching them from Eve’s hair. “Got any gum? How about a compact?”

“What are you doing? Don’t tell me you know how to make a bomb from fertiliser.” Eve groaned. 

“Why? You got some?”

“You scream like a girl.” Eve laughed.

“I do not scream like a girl.” Villanelle said.

“Well you sure did a high pitched scream.” Eve keeled over in laughter.

“I did not scream.” Villanelle responded, not looking down at Eve.

“Oh ya, so what did you do?” Eve giggled as she wiped tears from her eyes.

“That was merely me trying not to have a heart attack with a little dignity.”

“How did you do that?” Villanelle gasped.

“Maybe if you did a little less talking and a little more watching, you’d figure it out.” Eve humphed. 

Eve squirmed, letting out an alarmed cry through the thick fabric of the gag as Villanelle inserted a needle into her neck. Villanelle withdrew it just as quickly and moved to tighten the leather cuffs binding Eve to the chair she was trapped in.

“Don’t worry,” Villanelle said. “It won’t hurt for long. You can feel it, right? Breaking down all your defences?” Villanelle simpered, watching as Eve’s eyes widened and she tensed- then within seconds relaxed back into the chair. 

Villanelle snapped in front of Eve’s face, and upon eliciting no reaction from the glazed face, smiled.

“There you go,” Villanelle purred. “Atta girl.”

“I always wanted a pet.” Villanelle smiled.

“You realise you can’t keep this thing, right?” Eve asked sternly. 

“Why not? It’s cute.” Villanelle whined.

“It’s a raccoon.”

“Quit smirking at me, I’m serious!” Eve snapped.

“I’m not smirking!” Villanelle protested.

“Well, stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing!” Villanelle said through pursed lips.

“Well quit whatever it is you’re doing.”

“This is me with a cheery disposition; a ray of sunshine in the mist of bleakness. Don’t put a cloud over my sunshine.” Villanelle illustrated.

“It’s an excuse to laugh at me.” Eve mumbled.

“RAIN CLOUD!” Villanelle snapped back before bursting into laughter.

“Hey, do you like Killing Eve?” Villanelle asked.

“Oh, yeah! I love it!” Eve nodded.

Villanelle rambled on about it for a long time and Eve agreed and started fangirling obsessively. 

“Do you have any ships?” Villanelle pressed.

“Of course!” Eve grinned.

“Awesome! Who’s your favourite?”

Eve leaned in and kissed Villanelle. Villanelle pulled back blushing.

“Us.” Eve whispered.

“Choose your last words wisely.” sneered Villanelle. 

Eve shakily lifted her head, “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
